the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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