What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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