Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
