So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This toilet bowl is my home.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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