Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
