rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
