You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
