now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
