just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
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it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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