god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
