Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
