They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
