i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
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Did I show you my penis last night?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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