I love black thongs
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
