Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
