I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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