the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
