is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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