That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
