if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
