I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
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At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
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Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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