Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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