I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
