I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
