It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Did I show you my penis last night?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
