You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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