So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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