Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
