it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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