who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
