He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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