He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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