We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
