The maid of honor just puked.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
