Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
