i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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