I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
