If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
