How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
