a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
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