new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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