omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
