Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
