Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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