After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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