I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
