Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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