fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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