At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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