I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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