my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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