No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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