But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
