I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.