my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology