I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.