I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.