you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together