You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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