We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
