Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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