Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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