there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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