thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
