You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize