I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
vagina is talking i cant
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
