I should be sponsored by Trojan
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You took a bar mat shot.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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