Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
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after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
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nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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