You really coming over, don't trick.
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
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You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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