your thong is hanging out like whoa
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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