remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
