oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me