walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old