Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.