i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Hippo gnu deer
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
35 Of The Funniest Things People Said While Banging
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo