I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
