naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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