Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
