Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
