Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
